Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part 3

Art by @isobell.dohn.art, the cracked image of societal expectations, especially in regards to autism/ Loscotoff 2022

This is part 3 of my daughter’s high school senior paper on autism. If you are just finding this page, you can start by reading Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.

My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16 and this paper reflects on her experiences with a late diagnosis. She is our guest author and guest artist.

While this is the final section of Isabella’s research paper, we hope to write more on our experiences as a family and how her autism looked from the outside–from a parent’s perspective–as well as how it looked from the inside–her perspective.

Art from @isobell.dohn.art, a drawing in blues show a young man crying used for an article on autism/ Loscotoff 2022
Art by author and artist @isobell.dohn.art

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part 3

Neurodivergent struggles can sometimes sound familiar to neurotypical people. With the rise of social media, there has also been a rise in self-diagnosis. Self-diagnosis is simply where someone finds themselves fitting the criteria for a certain disorder or ailment and says they have it. Self-diagnosis for mental health and developmental disabilities can be the first step to getting help, however, sometimes social media can cause people who do not have a certain disorder to self-diagnose.

I believe this shows how few people feel they fit the “norms” of society. Self-diagnosis can lead to misdiagnosis; “self-diagnosing can lead to receiving the wrong treatment and interventions down the line.” (“Social Media Raises Mental Health Awareness but Increases Risk of Flawed Self-Diagnosis”). An inaccurate self-diagnosis can lead to future complications. Autism is very often self-diagnosed. Not only can an official autism diagnosis bar individuals from certain life options it can also be very expensive which makes self-diagnosis more appealing to many. 

Society has created a tight box for people to fit into. There have always been high standards for beauty, success, and behavior. From periods where corsets were worn to keep a curvy figure but ankles were scandalous to the flappers of the 20s, and then to the housewives of the 50s, there has always been a rigid expectation of what is considered normal.

In the 21st century, expectations have broadened quite a bit but there are still standards of societal norms. “The young people I spoke with were mainly girls, ages 13-17 and they feel as though they are forced into having to be a certain way because society expects them to be like that” (Society’s Pressure to Be Perfect – Achieve More Scotland). Bullying someone because they’re different in some way is still way too common. These standards are not healthy for anyone, neurotypical and neurodivergent alike. 

Mental health is a big issue in every population. People who don’t feel like they fit in or feel like they are too different are at higher risks of certain mental health disorders. About 17 percent of people have self-harmed at least once in their life, on top of that, people within the LGBTQ community have been found to have much higher rates of self-harm. (Bacsi).

Analysis has shown that autistic individuals are more likely to be part of the LGBTQ community, and afab (assigned female at birth) autistic individuals have a higher likelihood of being part of the LGBTQ community than amab (assigned male at birth) individuals. (“Autistic People More Likely to Identify as LGBTQ”). Suicide is a scarily common death in the United States. Suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the US and the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for people between the ages of 15-24.

Once again, these statistics are higher within the LGBTQ community and even higher for those in an ethnic minority while being a part of the LGBTQ community. (“Suicide Statistics and Facts –”). Eating disorders affect at least 9 percent of the population but only 6 percent is considered medically underweight. About 10,200 deaths occur from eating disorders every year. (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders). Many eating disorders result from a person trying to fit a standard of appearance either in their mind or the world around them. 

If the world were accepting of everyone, no matter how they thought or looked, the world would be a much happier place. Society’s standards for everyone are unhealthy. You’ll hear people talk about there being 24 hours in a day and there being an expectation of someone doing 30 or so hours of activities a day. It’s impossible to spend quality time with loved ones, work a job, do well in school, and have hobbies all at the same time. At least, it is while taking care of yourself. 

Many people see autism as something that needs to be “cured”. When looking at autism as a medical ailment in need of being cured, there are many counterpoints to the argument of working with it, not against it. Throughout the years, organizations have often looked at neurodiversity through a lens of fear. Even therapists have supported trying to “treat” the symptoms of autism instead of teaching coping skills. 

Historically and traditionally, neurodiversity has been seen as an issue that needs to be fixed. The thoughts behind this are that our society’s standards are there for a reason and should not change; people should grow and learn how to fit into said standards because that is the real world and people must be able to get through it. Proponents feel standards are only there to help people succeed. 

The support behind proven results in therapies such as ABA are due to the fact that they get the desired results and the child acts how society expects them to. There is no need to build off of a child’s strengths if they are able to fit into the school system and excel. It is thought that they will do better in life if they seem normal as opposed to if they seem different from others. 

At the end of the day, autism affects a person through the areas of: social difficulty, anxiety, noise sensitivity, abnormal or flat speech, poor eye contact, fixations, stimming, depression, and even aggression. (Birch).  The autistic person deserves the best quality of life they can get. I find many “treatments” of autism to be dehumanizing. ABA, while well-intentioned, works in the same way dog training does; no wonder so many people come out of it with PTSD. Not only does it treat children like animals, but it promotes a neglectful way of parenting. When children cry, they are distressed. Ignoring them does not change that, it just teaches them to cope on their own, without help and without safety. 

Many autism organizations, mainly Autism Speaks, promote fear with their “advocacy.” They spread information about autism breaking healthy families, causing divorces, and draining money. They’ve even had a woman say that she considered driving her car off a bridge due to her autistic child. They do not have a single autistic person on their team and only 4 percent of their budget goes to helping autistic people. (“Why I Do Not Support Autism Speaks”). 

All things considered, autism affects a large number of people, and it is still relatively unknown as to the best way to work with autistic children. From ABA therapies to play therapy to talking about awareness and advocacy, everyone has their own way they want to deal with their neurodiversity. Personally, I have worked with a play therapist since I was 13. She mainly talks with me about my feelings, as most therapists do, and that is what has worked best for me.

I spent the majority of my childhood not knowing I had autism and not having professional help with it. What truly helped me was homeschooling. My brain did not work with the formal public school system. People accepting that other options were better for me was what made a difference: flexibility, compassion, and understanding.

Every kid is incredibly different, but, without seeing their differences–their strengths and weaknesses–none of us would get anywhere. Compassion, kindness, and connection are what make us human and neurodivergent children should not be treated any other way. They still deserve to be seen as and to feel human. Overall, I believe that research and “treatments” for autism and other neurodiversity should be for the sake of the autistic person, not the people around them. 

Bio

Isabella is a current high school senior. She is an artist and writer and overall really amazing person. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. You can follow her art on Instagram @isobell.dohn.art

If you’d like to follow more of these stories, please subscribe to my newsletter here. I try to send out one newsletter a week on Fridays.

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part One

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part Two

Art by @isobell.dohn.art, the cracked image of societal expectations/ Loscotoff 2022
Art by @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Work Cited

“Autistic People More Likely to Identify as LGBTQ.” SPARK for Autism, 18 Jan. 2022, sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-LGBTQ-identity.

“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well.” Spectroomz – Work From Home Jobs for Autistic Adults, 12 Oct. 2022, www.spectroomz.com/blog/allistic-definition.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Text Revision Dsm-5-tr. 5th ed., Amer Psychiatric Pub Inc, 2022.

“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 8 Aug. 2022, www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html.

Bacsi, Kira. “Self-Harm Statistics.” The Recovery Village Drug and Alcohol Rehab, 2 May 2022, www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-statistics.

“Benefits of Play Therapy and Autism.” Verywell Health, 15 Apr. 2022, www.verywellhealth.com/play-therapy-and-autism-the-basics-260059.

Birch, Nera. “This Graphic Shows What the Autism Spectrum Really Looks Like.” The Mighty, 15 Aug. 2022, themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-spectrum-wheel.

Blanchard, Ashley, et al. “Risk of Self-harm in Children and Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder.” National Library of Medicine, 19 Oct. 2021, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8527356.

Evidence of Increased PTSD Symptoms in Autistics Exposed to Applied Behavior Analysis | Emerald Insight. 2 Jan. 2018, www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-08-2017-0016/full/html.

Glock, Melanie. “Sensory Integration Disorders in Autism.” Autism Research Institute, 24 Feb. 2022, www.autism.org/sensory-integration.

“Hyperfixation – What It Is, What Causes It, and How to Overcome It.” Oxford Specialist Tutors Online, 12 Jan. 2022, oxfordspecialisttutors.com/hyperfixation-definitive-guide.

“Learn Sensory Integration Basics | Sensory Integration Tools.” Pathways.org, 26 May 2022, pathways.org/topics-of-development/sensory.

Matthews, Dylan. “We’ve Called Autism a Disease for Decades. We Were Wrong.” Vox, 31 Aug. 2015, www.vox.com/2015/8/31/9233295/autism-rights-kanner-asperger.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. “Eating Disorder Statistics | General and Diversity Stats | ANAD.” National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 8 June 2022, anad.org/eating-disorders-statistics.

Otsimo Editorial. “Strengths That Come With Autism and Why You Should Care.” Otsimo, 9 Aug. 2021, otsimo.com/en/strengths-challenges-autism.

Pietrangelo, Ann. “Stimming: Causes and Management.” Healthline, 28 June 2019, www.healthline.com/health/autism/stimming.

Sheffer, Edith. Asperger’s Children: The Origins of Autism in Nazi Vienna. Reprint, W. W. Norton and Company, 2020.

“Social Media Raises Mental Health Awareness but Increases Risk of Flawed Self-Diagnosis.” Verywell Mind, 1 Feb. 2022, www.verywellmind.com/people-are-using-social-media-to-self-diagnose-5217072.

Society’s Pressure to Be Perfect – Achieve More Scotland. 19 Nov. 2018, aandm.org.uk/2018/11/19/societys-pressure-to-be-perfect.

Suicide Risk Among People With Autism Spectrum Disorder | Suicide Prevention Resource Centerwww.sprc.org/news/suicide-risk-among-people-autism-spectrum-disorder. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“Suicide Statistics and Facts –.” SAVEsave.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“What Is Applied Behavior Analysis?” WebMD, 9 Apr. 2021, www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-applied-behavior-analysis.

“What Is Echolalia?” WebMD, 12 May 2021, www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-echolalia.“Why I Do Not Support Autism Speaks.” Autistic Mama, 2 Apr. 2022, autisticmama.com/do-not-support-autism-speaks.

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part 2

Art by @isobell.dohn.art in a research paper about her own diagnosis of Autism at the age of 16 / Loscotoff 2022

This is a continuation of a three-part post about my daughter’s experience being diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. She, my guest author, wrote this paper as part of her high school senior seminar paper. She continues to work on a physical project around this paper and will speak before a panel of teachers in December. If you are just finding this now, please read Part One here. All artwork is hers.

A girl in a purple dress sits on an isolated island, art by @isobell.dohn.art / Loscotoff 2022
Art by our guest author, @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part 2

Through the following years, I was taken to multiple different places for help with my reading discrepancy. We assumed it was dyslexia and hoped that it would improve with age. It did, but there were still learning issues. We hoped that a formal educational diagnosis would help with college.

Last year, we decided to go through formal testing once again. I, as expected, showed few signs of dyslexia, however, the person doing my testing brought up the possibility of autism. It explained many of my internal feelings as well as my panic attacks, my sensitivities, my learning struggles, and my relationships with other people. In the end, I was diagnosed with Level One Autism. Turns out, I am autistic enough for it to hurt but not enough for others to notice.

Living with autism can be a challenge that takes a lot to work through. Often, for a neurodivergent child, the “normal” way of coping is not the best way or even a good way to deal with a situation. Trying to teach a child to function neurotypically does not work even if it sounds appealing to the people around them. There are many different therapies available to help with autism, however, a lot of these have been under fire and many therapists have been taught to change their ways.

A common “treatment” for ASD has been applied behavioral analysis, or ABA. “Applied behavior analysis is a type of interpersonal therapy in which a child works with a practitioner one-on-one. The goal of applied behavior analysis is to improve social skills by using interventions that are based on principles of learning theory.” (“What Is Applied Behavior Analysis?”). In basic terms, ABA therapy uses positive and negative reinforcements to teach the child to act in the desired way.

There are clear and testable results to ABA therapy which is why it is still practiced. However, there are quite a few negatives and many believe it is harmful to the neurodivergent child. One major comparison that is brought up with ABA is its many similarities to dog training. While the punishments only tend to be ignoring the child until they do the desired behavior, studies have shown that almost half of children who have experienced ABA therapy have developed PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

“Nearly half (46 percent) of the ABA-exposed respondents met the diagnostic threshold for PTSD, and extreme levels of severity were recorded in 47 percent of the affected subgroup. Respondents of all ages who were exposed to ABA were 86 percent more likely to meet the PTSD criteria than respondents who were not exposed to ABA.” (Evidence of Increased PTSD Symptoms in Autistics Exposed to Applied Behavior Analysis | Emerald Insight).

Working with autism requires patience and empathy. A neurodivergent person should not be expected to fit into society’s small box of “normal”. A neurodivergent person can coexist and collaborate with the “real world” without acting like a neurotypical person. There are many ways that parents, caregivers, and teachers can support and collaborate with a neurodivergent child; fundamentally working at a child’s level.  

Play therapy, or floortime therapy, is a way for children to learn social, technical, and emotional skills in a healthy manner. While playtime therapy and floortime therapy are slightly different, they build off of the same concepts. “Play therapy was originally conceived as a tool for providing psychotherapy to young people coping with trauma, anxiety, and mental illness. In that context, play becomes a way for children to act out their feelings and find coping mechanisms.” (“Benefits of Play Therapy and Autism”).

Floortime builds on a child’s interests or hyperfixations in order to form social skills and connections. (“Benefits of Play Therapy and Autism”). Play therapy can teach social awareness in a safe and controlled environment, which is especially important for autistic children in that new and uncontrollable situations can cause overwhelm which can lead to shutting down or acting out. 

Another reason therapy or social classes are extremely important for autistic children is that neurodivergence is an explanation but not an excuse. Therapies such as play, floortime, or even normal discussion-based therapy can help an autistic person develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Self-harm is substantially more common among autistic people (Blanchard et al.). Autistic people are also three times more likely to attempt suicide (Suicide Risk Among People With Autism Spectrum Disorder | Suicide Prevention Resource Center). The difficulties to cope without help can not only hurt the autistic individual but those around them. Therapy can supply an autistic person with healthy ways to redirect feelings of overwhelm so it does not erupt as angry outbursts or depressive episodes. 

While autism has its struggles, it also has its strengths. Neurodivergence does not mean someone is broken, it simply means their brain works differently. Common strengths include strong memory, logical reasoning, puzzle-solving skills, and independent thinking. (Otsimo Editorial). Many strengths are unique to the individual and they also tend to go along with their interests. One autistic person may be amazing at art having learned to look at the world in a different way of shapes and colors. Another autistic person may have an easier time learning languages studying many.

Believing an autistic person should function like a neurotypical person can dampen their natural joys, frustrate them, and hurt their motivation. Personally, taking classes I do not have an interest in can burn me out very quickly, even if that class is the only requirement at the time. It leads to long periods of procrastination and nights of fighting to get it done last minute.

On the other side, I’m hyper-observant and enjoy analyzing people and media. I do not find work observing to be draining at all; I often feel happy after. As an extension, I’ve been told I have a good ear for language, both English and foreign. I pick up vocabulary and context quicker than my neurotypical peers. 

Teaching coping skills using an autistic person’s interests can make them stronger as a student, family member, friend, and individual. By letting neurodivergent people stay who they are and want to be, you’re allowing them to flourish into the person they are happy to be. Trying to fit a neurodivergent person into the box of “normal”, you are taking away some of their joy. It is far simpler to help a person through life instead of changing who they are.

Bio

Isabella is a current high school senior. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. You can follow her art on Instagram @isobell.dohn.art

If you’d like to follow more of these stories, please subscribe to my newsletter here. I try to send out one newsletter a week on Fridays.

Art by @isobell.dohn.art in a research paper about her own diagnosis of Autism at the age of 16 / Loscotoff 2022
Art by my guest author, @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Work Cited

“Autistic People More Likely to Identify as LGBTQ.” SPARK for Autism, 18 Jan. 2022, sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-LGBTQ-identity.

“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well.” Spectroomz – Work From Home Jobs for Autistic Adults, 12 Oct. 2022, www.spectroomz.com/blog/allistic-definition.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Text Revision Dsm-5-tr. 5th ed., Amer Psychiatric Pub Inc, 2022.

“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 8 Aug. 2022, www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html.

Bacsi, Kira. “Self-Harm Statistics.” The Recovery Village Drug and Alcohol Rehab, 2 May 2022, www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-statistics.

“Benefits of Play Therapy and Autism.” Verywell Health, 15 Apr. 2022, www.verywellhealth.com/play-therapy-and-autism-the-basics-260059.

Birch, Nera. “This Graphic Shows What the Autism Spectrum Really Looks Like.” The Mighty, 15 Aug. 2022, themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-spectrum-wheel.

Blanchard, Ashley, et al. “Risk of Self-harm in Children and Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder.” National Library of Medicine, 19 Oct. 2021, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8527356.

Evidence of Increased PTSD Symptoms in Autistics Exposed to Applied Behavior Analysis | Emerald Insight. 2 Jan. 2018, www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-08-2017-0016/full/html.

Glock, Melanie. “Sensory Integration Disorders in Autism.” Autism Research Institute, 24 Feb. 2022, www.autism.org/sensory-integration.

“Hyperfixation – What It Is, What Causes It, and How to Overcome It.” Oxford Specialist Tutors Online, 12 Jan. 2022, oxfordspecialisttutors.com/hyperfixation-definitive-guide.

“Learn Sensory Integration Basics | Sensory Integration Tools.” Pathways.org, 26 May 2022, pathways.org/topics-of-development/sensory.

Matthews, Dylan. “We’ve Called Autism a Disease for Decades. We Were Wrong.” Vox, 31 Aug. 2015, www.vox.com/2015/8/31/9233295/autism-rights-kanner-asperger.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. “Eating Disorder Statistics | General and Diversity Stats | ANAD.” National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 8 June 2022, anad.org/eating-disorders-statistics.

Otsimo Editorial. “Strengths That Come With Autism and Why You Should Care.” Otsimo, 9 Aug. 2021, otsimo.com/en/strengths-challenges-autism.

Pietrangelo, Ann. “Stimming: Causes and Management.” Healthline, 28 June 2019, www.healthline.com/health/autism/stimming.

Sheffer, Edith. Asperger’s Children: The Origins of Autism in Nazi Vienna. Reprint, W. W. Norton and Company, 2020.

“Social Media Raises Mental Health Awareness but Increases Risk of Flawed Self-Diagnosis.” Verywell Mind, 1 Feb. 2022, www.verywellmind.com/people-are-using-social-media-to-self-diagnose-5217072.

Society’s Pressure to Be Perfect – Achieve More Scotland. 19 Nov. 2018, aandm.org.uk/2018/11/19/societys-pressure-to-be-perfect.

Suicide Risk Among People With Autism Spectrum Disorder | Suicide Prevention Resource Centerwww.sprc.org/news/suicide-risk-among-people-autism-spectrum-disorder. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“Suicide Statistics and Facts –.” SAVEsave.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“What Is Applied Behavior Analysis?” WebMD, 9 Apr. 2021, www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-applied-behavior-analysis.

“What Is Echolalia?” WebMD, 12 May 2021, www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-echolalia.“Why I Do Not Support Autism Speaks.” Autistic Mama, 2 Apr. 2022, autisticmama.com/do-not-support-autism-speaks.

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual

Image by @isobell.dohn.art / Loscotoff 2022

Intro

My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. She and I have been talking about sharing her journey, as well as my journey as her mother, with what she has gone through being an autistic girl. The reality is, autism looks very different in girls than it does in boys and has made our journey, and the journey of other autistic women, a long one.

There is still much research to be done on autism, and much research to be done on autistic individuals who do not fit into the research traditionally done on young, white males.

As part of her high school senior class, Senior Seminar, she was required to create a thesis and project based around something important to her and an area that may be important to her in the future.

As she and I start this conversation on her experiences, we decided to first share her paper (this is part 1 of 3) as an introduction to her experiences with autism.

Image by @Isobell.dohn.art / Loscotoff 2022
Art by our guest writer, @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Autism Research for the Autistic Individual – Part 1

The most interesting people you’ll find are ones that don’t fit into your average cardboard box. They’ll make what they need, they’ll make their own boxes.

Dr. Temple Grandin

I am autistic. I was diagnosed at 16 after years of testing. Since my diagnosis, I have learned much more about what autism is and what it looks like. I have also discovered that autism, as well as other developmental disabilities, is looked at from the allistic viewpoint. (Allistic refers to without autism. “Allistic simply means a non-autistic person.” [“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well”.]) Growing up autistic and having a cousin with autism, I have seen the struggle it causes both first and secondhand. I believe work to help autistic children should truly be for the child, not the people who interact with the child. Society’s standards for both neurotypical and neurodivergent children are unhealthy and lead to more harm than good. 

Talking about autism,  also referred to as ASD (autism spectrum disorder), and other neurodiversity requires a slightly different vocabulary than daily conversation. The most important term is neurodivergent. “Someone who is neurodivergent has some sort of variation to their neurology or overall brain structure.” (“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well”). Neurotypical is the opposite, “Someone who is not neurodivergent”. (“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well”). Another term often used is Allistic. Allistic, as explained previously, is simply used for people without autism. The term allistic can include all other neurodiversity other than autism.

A common phrase used within autism is hyperfixation. Hyperfixation refers to an intense focus or interest in a single subject that can lead to the exclusion of everything else. (“Hyperfixation – What It Is, What Causes It, and How to Overcome It.”). Hyperfixations can also be referred to as a special interest.

A term many people are familiar with is Asperger’s syndrome. Aspergers is used to describe high-functioning individuals with ASD however it is a relatively controversial and outdated term. Many autistic people prefer to not use the term at all due to its name coming from Hans Asperger, an Austrian physician known for creating the term “usefulness levels” and contributing to categorization. He also sent many children to the Nazi Spiegelgrund clinic where the children were to die. (Sheffer).

As an extension, the terms high functioning and low functioning are commonly used but looked down upon by the autistic community. High functioning refers to an autistic person who requires minimal help in daily life, low functioning refers to a person who requires assistance often. These terms are also relatively controversial for the correlated assumptions “erase the support needs of autistic individuals across the board.”  (“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well”). 

Autism is a developmental disability found in about 1 in every 44 children. It is mostly diagnosed in early childhood with parents noting concerns before the age of 3. (“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC”). It affects every aspect of a person’s life throughout adolescence and adulthood. There is a large range of signs and symptoms that are unique to each specific person. A few common signs are lack of eye contact, skipping developmental milestones, lack of facial expressions or vocal intonation, echolalia (repeating of words or phrases [“What Is Echolalia?”]), and stimming (movements and/or vocalizations that stimulate the mind [Pietrangelo].) (“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC”). 

When I was very small, my mom knew something was off: I had a severe speech impediment to the point that specialists thought I was deaf, I could not handle certain textures of clothes or having my hair brushed, I had a very insecure attachment style even though there was no reason for me too, I had major breakdowns that I could not be pulled out of, and I became overwhelmed very easily.

In 2nd grade, it was clear that my brain processed information differently than the average student: I scored 7th percentile on state testing for reading though when professionally tested for a learning disability, my comprehension was high school level. My results did not qualify me for an IEP as my low scores were within the normal statistical range for my age. According to their tests, I was an average kid who just did not try hard enough. However, these results did not change my mom’s opinion that something wasn’t quite right.

Read Part 2 Here

Bio

Isabella is a current high school senior. She was diagnosed with autism at the age of 16. You can follow her art on Instagram @isobell.dohn.art

If you’d like to follow more of these stories, please subscribe to my newsletter here. I try to send out one newsletter a week on Fridays.

Image by @isobell.dohn.art / Loscotoff 2022
Art by our guest writer, @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Work Cited

“Autistic People More Likely to Identify as LGBTQ.” SPARK for Autism, 18 Jan. 2022, sparkforautism.org/discover_article/autism-LGBTQ-identity.

“Allistic and 10 Other Important Autistic Terms Explained Well.” Spectroomz – Work From Home Jobs for Autistic Adults, 12 Oct. 2022, www.spectroomz.com/blog/allistic-definition.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Text Revision Dsm-5-tr. 5th ed., Amer Psychiatric Pub Inc, 2022.

“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 8 Aug. 2022, www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html.

Bacsi, Kira. “Self-Harm Statistics.” The Recovery Village Drug and Alcohol Rehab, 2 May 2022, www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-statistics.

“Benefits of Play Therapy and Autism.” Verywell Health, 15 Apr. 2022, www.verywellhealth.com/play-therapy-and-autism-the-basics-260059.

Birch, Nera. “This Graphic Shows What the Autism Spectrum Really Looks Like.” The Mighty, 15 Aug. 2022, themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-spectrum-wheel.

Blanchard, Ashley, et al. “Risk of Self-harm in Children and Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder.” National Library of Medicine, 19 Oct. 2021, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8527356.

Evidence of Increased PTSD Symptoms in Autistics Exposed to Applied Behavior Analysis | Emerald Insight. 2 Jan. 2018, www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-08-2017-0016/full/html.

Glock, Melanie. “Sensory Integration Disorders in Autism.” Autism Research Institute, 24 Feb. 2022, www.autism.org/sensory-integration.

“Hyperfixation – What It Is, What Causes It, and How to Overcome It.” Oxford Specialist Tutors Online, 12 Jan. 2022, oxfordspecialisttutors.com/hyperfixation-definitive-guide.

“Learn Sensory Integration Basics | Sensory Integration Tools.” Pathways.org, 26 May 2022, pathways.org/topics-of-development/sensory.

Matthews, Dylan. “We’ve Called Autism a Disease for Decades. We Were Wrong.” Vox, 31 Aug. 2015, www.vox.com/2015/8/31/9233295/autism-rights-kanner-asperger.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. “Eating Disorder Statistics | General and Diversity Stats | ANAD.” National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 8 June 2022, anad.org/eating-disorders-statistics.

Otsimo Editorial. “Strengths That Come With Autism and Why You Should Care.” Otsimo, 9 Aug. 2021, otsimo.com/en/strengths-challenges-autism.

Pietrangelo, Ann. “Stimming: Causes and Management.” Healthline, 28 June 2019, www.healthline.com/health/autism/stimming.

Sheffer, Edith. Asperger’s Children: The Origins of Autism in Nazi Vienna. Reprint, W. W. Norton and Company, 2020.

“Social Media Raises Mental Health Awareness but Increases Risk of Flawed Self-Diagnosis.” Verywell Mind, 1 Feb. 2022, www.verywellmind.com/people-are-using-social-media-to-self-diagnose-5217072.

Society’s Pressure to Be Perfect – Achieve More Scotland. 19 Nov. 2018, aandm.org.uk/2018/11/19/societys-pressure-to-be-perfect.

Suicide Risk Among People With Autism Spectrum Disorder | Suicide Prevention Resource Center. www.sprc.org/news/suicide-risk-among-people-autism-spectrum-disorder. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“Suicide Statistics and Facts –.” SAVE, save.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics. Accessed 19 Oct. 2022.

“What Is Applied Behavior Analysis?” WebMD, 9 Apr. 2021, www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-applied-behavior-analysis.

“What Is Echolalia?” WebMD, 12 May 2021, www.webmd.com/parenting/what-is-echolalia.“Why I Do Not Support Autism Speaks.” Autistic Mama, 2 Apr. 2022, autisticmama.com/do-not-support-autism-speaks.

New Art and Birthday Week

Watercolor Dragonfly by Anna Loscotoff, 2022

This week I am simply sharing some new art I’ve been working on.

I’ve been learning about watercolors and gold leaf with accents in white. It’s a new process and one I’m loving.

I have an idea for an ongoing multi-piece collection using this same process that I will be announcing soon.

Watercolor Dragonfly by Anna Loscotoff 2022
Watercolor Dragonfly, Loscotoff 2022

Birthdays

My daughter turned 17 last week and this week has really been about her and our relationship. She preformed in a play, we went to Disneyland, we talked a lot about life. She perfected her skills at making a family favorite, brigadeiro, a Brazilian candy. This morning she was up early for senior sunrise and this afternoon she is dressed as a Hobbit, volunteering at her school carnival.

Last year I shared our journey with pregnancy and her birth story, this year I just want to sink into all the moments I have with her.

Instead of sitting here writing, I’m headed back to help my growing Hobbit as she guides kids through a carnival ring toss.

I hope you have a good week and enjoy the love of the people around you.

Perfect Brigadeiro, Loscotoff 2022
Perfect Brazilian Brigadeiro

Links

Birth Stories – Part One

Sweet 16 – Birth Stories Part Two

The Encyclopedia of Practical Information

Encyclopedia of Practical Information/ Loscotoff 2022

I discovered a treasure this weekend.

Not the shiny gold or silver sort of treasure. It wasn’t jewels or money.

This treasure had been passed over by all the people exploring the space before me. Even I didn’t see it at first.

It was almost like a magical artifact waiting for its person, sitting alone on a table in clear sight. I walked past it several times until, as if in a fictional magical novel, it showed itself, glimmering in my peripheral vision.

The book sat, four inches thick, eleven inches tall, waiting to be discovered. Its cloth cover torn and stained. (All the better to put you in a place of honor on my shelf.)

How was I the first to pick up this book? I wasn’t early to the sale. The crowds were thick and book collectors had been there when the doors opened. Our local Friends of Library had even allowed volunteers an early first look.

And yet here she sat, this book, waiting for me.

Encyclopedia of Practical Information and Universal Formulary. A Book of Ready Reference For Every Occupation, Trade and Profession. By Robert Bradbury, M.D., Author of Bradbury’s Medical Encyclopedia, Cox’s Physiology, Etc., Etc., and Late Professor in the Manchester Library and Mechanics’ Institute, England. Eight Volumes in One. Chicago: The Century Book and Paper Co. 1889

Encyclopedia of Practical Information/ Loscotoff 2022

1889.

Her pages were delicate, her spine broken and unattached. They had her listed at only $8 which made my decision easy; she was coming home with me.

Her contents were eight books; Medical Department, Trades Department, Agricultural Department, Household Department, Business Department, Mineral Department, Educational Department, Miscellaneous Department.

Table of Contents of Encyclopedia of Practical Information/ Loscotoff 2022

It felt like stepping back in time. The author speaking to me of a period just after the city I live in was settled.

1889 was a time of exploration, of settlement, of opium, of gunfights.

Tehachapi, where I live and where this book appeared, was preceded in the 1870’s by a settlement called either Williamsburg or Tehichipa. Before this settlement, it was the land of the Kawaiisu, a Native American Tribe of people who lived in the Tehachapi Valley and into the Southern Sierra Nevadas. The Kawaiisu people spoke the language “Tehachapi” which is a division of the Uto-Aztecan Language family.

In 1874, the Southern Pacific Railroad began to build what was considered an engineering feat of the day, what was to become known as the Tehachapi Loop, a literal train loop that eases the grade over the Tehachapi pass by allowing the train to pass above itself in a large circle. It is considered one of the seven wonders of the railroad world and is a national historic civil engineering landmark.

Did my book come up over the loop?

Encyclopedia of Practical Information/ Loscotoff 2022

The landmark sign which looks out over the loop states:

The Tehachapi Pass Railroad Line was cut through solid and decomposed granite by up to 3000 Chinese laborers from Canton China. They used picks, shovels, horse drawn carts and blasting powder. This line, which climbs out of the San Joaquin Valley and through the Tehachapi Mountains had 18 tunnels, 10 bridges and numerous water towers for the old steam locomotives. It was completed in less than 2 years time under the leadership of civil engineer J. B. Harris, Chief of Construction, a remarkable feat.

This line was part of the last and final link of the first railroad line connecting San Francisco to Los Angeles. It was a primary factor in the early growth of the City of Los Angeles and the State of California.

This single track line, essentially unchanged, is still in constant use today, 122 years after its completion. It passes an average of 36 freight trains each day. This attests to the superior job of both engineering and construction done by the two civil engineers and the Chinese laborers.

History and Heritage Committee, Los Angeles Section and Southern San Joaquin Branch, October 1998

The city of Tehachapi itself was incorporated in 1909, originally known as Tehachapi Summit.

I imagine the years in between the railroad arrival and the city incorporation. I imagine the people; cowboys and settlers, Chinese immigrants, wives, children, prostitutes.

Did this book climb the Tehachapi pass in the bag of someone on a train coming to settle at the top of the mountain? Was it kept on the shelf at the little train station downtown? Perhaps a local doctor kept it in their office? Perhaps there was a Madam who kept it in her room. Maybe there was a schoolmarm who used it to teach her students to read.

Who could have read this type of book only 10 years before the turn of the century? Who had the education to read its pages?

In the year 1889, the year this book was published, President Grover Cleveland signed a bill admitting North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana and Washington as US states.

In March, Benjamin Harris became our 23 president and the Eiffel Town was inaugurated in Paris.

On April 22 at “high noon” the Land Rush of 1889 formed Oklahoma City and Guthrie.

In June, Vincent Van Gogh painted The Starry Night and the first long distance electrical power lines in the United States were completed, running 14 miles between a generator in Willamette Falls and downtown Portland, Oregon.

On July 8, the first issue of The Wall Street Journal was published in New York and the last official bare-knuckle boxing title fight was held lasting 75 rounds in Mississippi.

In August, the United Kingdom passed the Prevention of Cruelty to, and Protection of Children Act, imposing penalties for abusing a child.

In September, Nintendo was founded in Japan to produce and market playing cards.

In October, the Moulin Rouge opened in Paris. (Credits to Wikipedia.)

This is the world in which this book was published. She has seen some 133 years of change.

Title Page of Encyclopedia of Practical Information

Her author, Robert Bradbury, M. D., writes in the preface:

Knowledge is the common property of the human race. Science has lately become disseminated among the great masses of the people, far beyond the dreams of the most sanguine. Great truths and the teachings of the sages remain no longer peculiar to the savant, and the property of the few. The public press has become a mighty power in the land, throwing off and scattering abroad the mature thoughts of the scientist, and daily becoming more and more a blessing to the nation.

…No thought that is elevating to this generation is thought unworthy of notice, and sealed books, heretofore accessible to none but the favored few, have been opened, the storehouses of learning have disclosed a wealth free to all; so that now every man who thirsts may drink freely from the fountains of knowledge, and be satisfied.

The compiler of this work unhesitatingly recommends the pages of his book to every workman in this country, as a ready reference in every emergency, and as a work containing such an amount of information and congregated mass of scientific facts which were at one time only obtainable at the feet of the safe or votary in the temple of science…

The best writers have been consulted and leading authorities freely examined touching the many different branches of the useful arts and professions, and as a necessary consequence, works native and foreign, works expensive, and such as usually occupy the library of the wealthy only, have been consulted in this compilation,…

It will be observed by the intelligent reader that our aim throughout the work has been to avoid as much as possible all unnecessary abstraction, such as usually enter into the body of works of this description. We have chosen rather to make the book in every sense a truly practical work, always attempting the briefest for of expression consistent with cleanest and accuracy, and an avoidance of all technical terms and phrases that usually act as an impassable barrier to the unscientific.

Our aim has been to bring the book whiting the means of the artisan and mechanic, and in typography and general execution worthy of a place in every man’s library…

Its bearing in the various branches of the industrial arts, whether it be pertaining to husbandry, the smith, the carpenter, the engineer, the mason, the iron founder, brass founder, or workers in steel and iron, each department will by found rich in good business formulas and practical advice…

Robert Bradbury, M. D., Preface of Encyclopedia of Practical Information, 1889

And so, dear reader, I share with you the first bits of this treasure; the words from a world 130 years ago and how they perceived their lives.

Encyclopedia of Practical Information/ Loscotoff

Notes

While I may or may not do another full post about the Encyclopedia of Practical Information, I am genuinely very excited about the treasure trove of historical information inside. While doing other blog posts (art, life, memoir), I will be adding tidbits of treasure at the bottom of my posts… and yes, there is a recipe for Wine of Opium.

I publish a new blog every Friday. If you’d like to read more, or have particular interest in the Wine of Opium, please considering signing up for my newsletter here.

Links

Kawaiisu – Wikipedia

1889 – Wikipedia

History of the Tehachapi Loop

Tehachapi Loop – Visit Bakersfield

Tehachapi Loop – Know Before You Go – Trip Advisor

Everything Everywhere and the Beauty of Nothing Matters

Self portrait inspired by Everything Everywhere All At Once/ Loscotoff 2022

You tell me that it’s a cruel world and we’re all just running around in circles. I know that. I’ve been on this earth just as many days as you have.
When I choose to see the good side of things, I’m not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It’s how I’ve learned to survive through everything.
I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too.
This is how I fight.

Waymond Wang, Everything Everywhere All At Once
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022

When I first heard these words, spoken by Waymond Wang (actor Ke Huy Quan) in Everything Everywhere All At Once, I felt my heart shatter a bit–not in sadness, but rather in feeling seen.

How can a movie see you? It’s in the acknowledgment that your view of the world is reflected in someone else’s experience. While the character is created, someone wrote these words. Someone felt them enough to write a story about them. Enough people relate to these words that they’ve turned this movie into a remarkable success both financially and in critical acclaim.

As a turning point in the movie, there is a recognition that seeing the good is another possible path.

I have, throughout my life, worked to see the good. Despite my efforts, I have become the villain in many scenarios. I have been misunderstood. I have been lost in the translation of what I think I am saying versus what is heard by others.

When I heard these words coming at me from onscreen, I realized that this too is how I’ve learned to survive. It can seem naive–I can seem naive–but seeing the good side is how I fight.

It is too easy to slide into the despair of a cruel world. It is too easy to begin to believe that nothing matters.

Nothing matters.

It doesn’t matter that I write this blog. It doesn’t matter if I write my stories. It doesn’t matter if I don’t do my art. Not many people read it anyway. No one cares. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

Everything Everywhere All At Once looks at what it means when nothing matters. Then they turn the concept on its head; nothing matters, and therefore, we can do whatever we want.

If nothing matters, then it doesn’t matter if no one ever reads my writing; write anyway. Create anyway. Love anyway.

Everything Everywhere is one of those once-in-a-lifetime films that ask you to relook at your perception of life. It is a story about motherhood, marriage, family, culture, cultural immersion, sexuality, a loss of hope, a loss of dreams, life path, and the roads we didn’t travel. It is also a story of emptiness, depression, loneliness, desire, acceptance, forgiveness, kindness, time, connection, and, above all, love.

Sound big? It is big. The movie is quite literally about everything, everywhere, all at once.

Photo Gallery Inspired by Everything Everywhere All At Once

Inspired by Everything Everywhere
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022
Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022

Links

How Everything Everywhere All At Once Became a Juggernaut | GQ

‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ Crosses $70M U.S., $103M Worldwide, Adding To Totals Of A24’s Highest-Grossing Movie Ever – Update | Deadline

A24 – production company behind Everything Everywhere All At Once | Wiki

‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ Proves Ke Huy Quan is a Movie Star | Decider

Michelle Yeoh on Her ‘Everything Everywhere’ Stunts and the Hot Dog Fingers Scene With Jamie Lee Curtis | Variety

Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ Loscotoff 2022

About Me

I send out a newsletter every Friday. There is no real theme other than being just me; art, writing, a photograph, my soul on the page. If you’d like an email on anything new, you can sign up here.

Self Portrait inspired by Everything Everywhere All At Once/ Loscotoff 2022
Self Portrait Inspired by Everything Everywhere/ When I Choose to See the Good

Listen to the Magic

Original art with yellow and brown background. Polymer trees and butterflies in browns, yellows, oranges, and golds. A girl in a green dress is crossing a bridge. Illustration done in procreate. Original artwork by Anna Loscotoff.

What about the magic, you ask? The sundial? The night soldiers? The buildings that sometimes seemed to change their shapes? They took it for granted. If you find that strange, imagine a time traveler from 1910 being transported to 2010 and finding a world where people flew through the sky in giant metal birds and rode in cars capable of going ninety miles an hour. A world where everyone went bopping around with powerful computers in their pockets. Or imagine a guy who’s only seen a few silent black-and-white film plunked down in the front row of an IMAX theater and watching Avatar in 3-D.
You get used to the amazing, that’s all. Mermaids and IMAX, giants and cell phones. If it’s in your world, you go with it. It’s wonderful, right? Only look at it another way, and it’s sort of awful. Think Gogmagog is scary? Our world is sitting on a potentially world-ending supply of nuclear weapns, and if that’s not black magic, I don’t know what is.

From the book “Fairy Tale” by Stephen King

Speak to most creatives these days, and they will tell you they are exhausted. Speak to most empaths, and they will tell you how drained they are. War, daily natural disasters, social media, human conflict, scarcity, crime, recession, the constant news cycle of sad and bad, are echoing through the corners of our brains.

There seems to be a lot of black magic and we have come to take the amazing for granted.

In June 2020, while quarantined, I happened upon this sunset. I was so lucky to be living in the high desert, with open space to roam and chickens that made me laugh. I would stand out every night and watch the sun set. (When the world started to return to normal and I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t see the sun setting for the first time, I felt real grief.)

June 2020, Tehachapi mountains

This sunset was a reminder of the magic of our existence. I haven’t seen one quite like this in the years that have passed, but it imprinted itself upon my heart. It sang to me and made me feel like I was a part of something larger. I’m grateful I had the time to stop and listen.

I hope you find a bit of magic today, whether it be in a flower or in the sky, or in someone you love. Pick up a book. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Do a bit of art. (That’s what I plan to go do.)

…My mind had been filled with my own thoughts… just as the minds of many who passed Elsa didn’t hear her songs because they were too busy to listen. That much is true about songs (and many stories) even in my own world. They speak mind to mind, but only if you listen.

“Fairy Tale” by Stephen King
Magic, a drawing by @Isobell.dohn.art
Magic by @isobell.dohn.art on Instagram

Links

Entertainment Weekly Review – Fairy Tale by Stephen King

Amazon – Fairy Tale by Stephen King

Goodreads Reviews – Fairy Tale by Stephen King

Isobell.Dohn.art on Instagram

About Me

I find myself posting less and less on social media. If you are interested in new art, short stories, occasional thoughts and random musings, I hope you’ll consider signing up for my newsletter here. I send out one newsletter a week.

A Return to Creativity

A study in creativity, abstract from Abyssimo class/ Loscotoff 2022

This last year, I have felt a little “on hold” creatively. My big canvases were packed up, I’ve been trying to clean out a very messy studio, trying to organize. I’ve focused on my writing with the process of rewriting Oz for NaNoWriMo as well as a short story challenge with my writing partner, Bridgette.

As I talked about in The Battle of Creativity, I’m a bit all over the place. I tend to call it creative or artistic ADD; I struggle with keeping a focus on a single project over time. I didn’t finish Oz (I made it to the Emerald City) and I didn’t finish a full year of short stories (I finished 25).

Thinking we were moving in the near future had a certain hold over me; packing, cleaning things out, organizing, just sitting and enjoying my current reality where I can see both the sunset and the moon rise.

The realities of the housing market in California (and most everywhere in the United States) have touched us directly. Our dreams of building a home have ended in double and triple the building costs due to supply chains and inflation. Our search for homes already built have led to an inflated market at a time when the United States may be moving into a recession. Interest rates and loans are building dramatically.

I am anxious to be closer to my aging parents, I am anxious to be a regular help to them in their lives. I dreamed of moving before my daughter started college so that it would feel like her home too.

Copper Leaf in a project of creativity by Abyssimo/ Loscotoff 2022

After many tears and a bit of heartbreak, we decided to be patient and wait. And so, while I still feel the need to clean and clear and organize and pack, I also feel the need to paint.

I signed up for an online class (Abyssimo School of Art by Maria Grossbaum). You might wonder, why would I spend money on an online class when I already have my tools and my style and art is a part of who I am? The answer is, we should never be afraid to learn from someone else to make our own skills stronger.

I don’t care how much I think I might know, my brain can always learn more; I can always be better. By taking classes, I have the opportunity to learn new tools that I can incorporate into my own style making something that is uniquely me. When I began using polymer in my paintings, it was only due to classes I took with Klew, a groundbreaking polymer clay artist. Everything I do in life, every class I take, adds to my well of knowledge.

The other gift of taking a class is that it provides me with direction. We all go through stages of burnout. We are often unsure of what to do next.

I often walk into my studio with the intention of creativity, look around, get overwhelmed, and walk out. Because creativity is messy, I often don’t know where to start or with what tools. Taking a class removes those obstacles and moves me forward without doubt.

The class I signed up for (Capturing the Elusive Beauty of the Dragonfly) required some tools that I don’t just naturally have laying around my studio; heavy watercolor paper, metallic watercolors, and adhesive for gold leaf.

I ordered the items, a gift to my creative self, a gift that will last much longer than the class. I also finally bought myself a set of professional watercolors, something I’ve wanted to do for some time. I don’t know how to watercolor. I’ve always been interested, but I’ve never learned beyond the simple watercoloring we do as children.

My watercolors arrived and, oh how beautiful the pigment is in a professional set! I’m so used to the faded colors of the play sets. I painted a pallet so that I could see what each paint looked like outside of the pan.

Watercolor pallet study, inspiring creativity/ Loscotoff 2022
Rembrant Professional 48 and Emooqi Metallic 10

Painting a pallet is much like writing morning pages in Artist Way; it calms the mind while getting the creative juices flowing. It acts as an artist date, seeing how the colors move with water and the depth of their pigment.

I followed the steps of the class and began the abstract practice of skills; taping the canvas, adding a base, gold (in my case copper) leaf, white gel pens, adding light and shadow.

Having always worked with mediums such as acrylic, I didn’t know the absolute beauty of laying watercolors for light and dark! There is a richness to it that I haven’t experienced in other mediums. I have long imagined a watercolor collection of landscapes, and now I am beginning to see its formation.

While I wait patiently for what comes next in life, I will paint. I will explore classes. I will imagine a dream home (with views of both the sunset and the moonrise) becoming available to us so that I can be closer to my parents and have a place my daughter will feel is hers to come home to when she goes to college.

We can’t let go of creativity when big things happen; creativity is the secret to helping us though.

Abstract study of watercolor and copper leaf, a practice in creativity/ Loscotoff 2022
Abstract study from Abyssimo class.

Links

Abyssimo School of Art by Maria Grossbaum

Art and Design by Klew – Polymer Clay Artist

The Artist Way by Julia Cameron

Bridgette Tales – Short Stories, Poetry and Photography

What is NaNoWriMo – 2021

My Short Story Journey


What is the 52-Week Short Story Challenge

Week 1 – Avalon

Week 2 – The Rifle

Week 3 – The Cardboard Prince

Week 4 – Rapture in Reverse

Week 5 – Drink the Kool-Aid

Week 6 – The Hitchhiker

Week 7 – The Flame

Week 8 – The Community

Week 9 – The Cult of Cait

Week 10 – The Tango

Week 11 – The Imperfect Self

Week 12 – A Murder of Crows

Week 13 – The Cufflinks

Week 14 – Andromeda’s Lament

Week 15 – White Coats

Week 16 – My Forever Love

Week 17 – The Dilemma of Purpose

Week 18 – Honey – A Story of Love and Time

Week 19 – The Light

Week 20 – Superman

Week 21 – Hierarchy

Week 22 – Secrets

Week 23 – Paradise

Week 24 – l’Empire de la Mort

Week 25 – The Factory

The Battle of Creativity

How to Interpret Your Dreams

Fan art by Isobel.dohn.art on Instagram/ Loscotoff 2022

We all dream.

We may not always remember our dreams, but they are there, existing in the dark corners of our subconscious.

Dreams can often be a discarding of information but they can also be a processing of information that we don’t have access to in our waking life. They can help us solve problems. They can give us a fuller experience of our time in this life. They can lead us in new directions and make us ask ourselves hard questions.

So how do we interpret our dreams?

Dreams are personal. The symbolism of dreams are specific to you and your life experiences.

While I will be discussing specific symbols in future blogs, this one is a more generalized exploration at how the relationship to symbols will vary.

But first, you need to work to remember your dreams.

First, you work to remember your dreams.

Prepare a way to record your dreams/ Loscotoff 2022
Prepare a way to record your dreams. This is one of my journals.

Remembering your dreams is a practice. The more time you spend, the easier it becomes, just like any other practice.

Before going to sleep, create a way to record your dreams that is quick and accessible to you. For some, this is setting a journal next to your bed with a working pen. For others, this may be a recording device that you can talk into. (I used to do this and found dream messages to myself that I had forgotten when I awoke. Sleeping in a bed with a partner can make this awkward, and so I became self-conscious about recording them over time.) What works for me is having my notes app open on my phone near the bed and then typing in what I remember.

Your dreams may still be elusive. Try jotting down a feeling or any details you remember–it could simply be a color or a single image.

Another helpful process is to sit down and write morning pages in a journal. (Morning pages are an aspect of Artist Way by Julia Cameron, but vitally beneficial to anyone wanting to live a deeper experience with regards to their own life.) The process of Morning Pages is to sit and quickly free-write 3 pages of whatever pops in your head. The goal is simply 3 pages, not to plan anything or create anything, not to solve the world’s problems.

This type of writing often feels a bit like dreaming to me; my brain relaxes and thoughts come that I didn’t expect. (For anyone who can’t find words, you can quite literally write, “I don’t know what to write,” over and over again until you have a thought, and then you write that thought down, it could be, “this is dumb” or “I don’t like this.”)

I often find while doing the dump-style of writing, dreams from the night before pop into my memory and I can then write about those images and feelings and experiences, following that path where it chooses to lead me.

Another practice is sketching any images you remember, or using watercolors to remember the colors. Doodling with a pen (try just drawing spirals) can also bring dreams closer to the surface or your memory.

My bookshelf of dreams/ Loscotoff 2022

I remember my dreams, now what?

This is where the symbols and experiences become so personal.

You can write your dreams fully, like a story.

You can simply take notes of the things that stood out.

You can list anything important.

You can sketch.

You can talk about the images with someone else.

No matter how you choose to record your dreams, start to look for the symbols that stand out. If you write your dreams fully, you can highlight them and then make a list.

What do those symbols mean to you, and what are your experiences around those symbols?

What do you mean about symbols being personal?

Drawing by Isobel.Dohn.art /Loscotoff 2022
art by isobel.dohn.art

Imagine you dream of a snake, which is actually a common image in dreams. Ask yourself what your experience with snakes has been.

If you have been raised in a Christian community, the snake can be seen as a Biblical temptation. The snake is a form of the devil and through the manipulation of Eve, humanity was punished and removed from the Garden of Eden. The snake in this dream may be one of temptation; something you want to do but feel guilty about or anxious that there would be dire consequences if you were to proceed.

If you have been raised in a Pagan community, the snake can be a symbol of wisdom. As a matter of fact, most ancient cultures considered the snake as a symbol of wisdom or a God. While it is mostly considered a myth now, many have been raised to believe that St. Patrick chasing the snakes from Ireland was a metaphor for him chasing out the Pagans and specifically the Druid elders while bringing Christianity to Ireland. (I’ve included articles below on why this is now considered a myth.)

If you have been raised as a Pagan or in an old religion that reveres the snake, its appearance in your dream could be one of wisdom and honor. There could be a message of learning or something that will lead you in a better direction.

If you’ve been bitten by a snake in real life, dreaming of one may be extremely fearful. There may be something in your life that is bringing you anxiety and you are afraid will hurt you.

If you have raised snakes and consider them your friends, dreaming of them may be about friendship.

Let’s say that you have raised snakes your whole life; you love them and trust them. In your dream, the snake turns and bites you. A dream of this sort may suggest that someone you trust is not as reliable as you expected them to be, and they may be out to hurt you. Perhaps in the same dream, the snake that bit you did so out of protecting itself. In this dream, perhaps it is you that has caused conflict in a friendship and they are now defending themselves.

Just a beginning…

This is just the beginning of talking about dreams. In future weeks I’ll be breaking down my dreams, the dreams of family and friends, and perhaps even your dreams. I want to show the process of dreams and how to explore their meanings on a personal level. I’ll also explore some universal symbols (such as the snake) and how they influence our personal symbols.

Hand dyed silk by Anna Loscotoff/ Loscotoff 2022
Hand dyed silk by Anna Loscotoff, reminds me of the dreaming mind.

Notes

Do you have a dream you’d like to work with me on for this blog? You can contact me here or in the comments below.

Instagram – Isobel.Dohn.art – Main image is by Isobel; Fanart for the song Tsumi no Namae by Ryo. Snake Woman image also by Isobel.

What is REM Sleep and How Much Do You Need? – Sleep Foundation

Serpent Faith – Library Ireland

The Truth About Saint Patrick, Snakes, Pagans, and More – Stories are complicated – The Mary Sue

St. Patrick: False Myths, Folklore, and Traditions of His Feast Day – Irelands Folklore and Traditions

Calling All Dreamers

Calling All Dreamers

Painting by Anna Loscotoff for blog post, Calling All Dreamers

Dreaming has always been an important aspect of my life; the images I see often feel like they are leading my direction or cluing me into some subconscious knowledge. Sometimes the images are just a jumble of chaos, processing extraneous information and setting it aside for later. Grasping these messages in waking life can feel like a puzzle.

Over the years, I’ve had many friends and family come to me to talk about dreams and their interpretations. This subject is something I want to dive more deeply into, as I continue to struggle in my own life with nightmares, nocturnal panic attacks, and complex nocturnal hallucinations.

In the next few weeks (months, years), I’ll be exploring a blog on how to interpret your dreams. This has nothing to do with looking up the symbolism on the internet or, as I did growing up, in a series of dream interpretation books. This will involve diving into real dreams, working through interpretation, reviewing books, and working on a personal dream journal.

I would like to invite you, if you have a dream you’d like to discuss, to reach out to me. With your permission, we will break down your dream, find the important symbols, find out how you respond to that symbol, and see if we can make sense of your visions while sharing the fundamental symbols here.

Some dreams are just the dumping of information; identifying which ones have more to tell us is a part of the process. Others give us insight into decisions we need to make and allow us direction. Reoccurring dreams often have important information that we are choosing to ignore or can’t quite find the seed of the message.

Along with individual dream interpretation, I’ll be looking at different symbols that are common in dreams and look at how these symbols have been interpreted over time and through different cultures.

I like to look at dreams as a personal tarot deck, with your own symbols and your own interpretation. Let us work to create your own tarot deck of dreams, your own dream interpretation bible, and find an entryway into each of our subconscious lives.

Calling All Dreamers

Have a dream you’d like to work on that you’re willing to share here? Email me at anna@loscotoff.com or through my contact page. I will only be working with one dream a week, although this may expand in the future.

Waking up in the morning with my dreaming friends /Loscotoff 2022
Waking up with the other dreamers.

Links

My Contact Link

The Skeleton on the Shelf – My first memory of complex nocturnal hallucinations

Complex Nocturnal Visual Hallucinations

Loscotoffart.com – Future print storer